Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Never Start a Relationship So Soon As That Will Kill It Faster

(Note to loyal readers: I know this entry is kinda long and no pictures summore but do take time to finish reading it lah. I very sanfu type gah. Comments are more than welcomed.)

Ever been in a situation where you get involved in a relationship which then ended so fast that you were unaware of it? For example, if you are a girl, you begin dating the guy once he succeeded in courting you. If you are a guy, you go out with all your might courting the girl of your dreams just to be able to get together with her. Few months later, pots and pans fly everywhere and both of you break up. Familiar story, right? I bet most of you had heard of this situation before and some may had been in the situation itself.

So, what’s the rule if you want to get involved in a relationship? Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Boy asks girl. Both get together. Isn’t that how it usually happens? Well, to some that might be the story but to me I don’t look at it this way anymore. Before I go on further, I would like to say that I’m just giving my opinion. So, all of you couples out there don’t come to my house with your parang, hammer, tongkat, M16, cangkul, sledgehammer, etc. to hemtam me okay?

Well to me the ‘boy likes girl, girl likes boy’ rule doesn’t really apply to me anymore and I quote what my friend said some time ago, “Why want to get into a relationship so fast. They don’t even know each other that well.” (or it was something like that). I gave this a thought, and realized that there’s some sense to it. It’s true. Many couples start their relationship so soon. After boy gets girl, both start liao. I mean, come on, you don’t even know that person inside out; wanna start a relationship so soon? Just because the girl has the looks and the S-yeng or maybe some personality which you like, then you go head over heels already. Then you will consider on courting her. Go buy flowers lah, buy present lah, treat her makan lah, this lah that lah. After few weeks, girl gets her feelings touched; this then results in boy gets girl. This is usually what happens; well at least I’ve seen a couple of cases like this recently. Not long after that, problems arise. Fight, quarrel, boxing match, wrestling match. All of which will end up with both of you breaking up. Most of them do, I guess. Maybe some won’t break up lah but the feeling you both once had will not be there anymore.

Therefore, this is what I think you should do if you want to get into a relationship with another person. First, you should be friends. Get to know each other well. Take note on his/her favourite colour, pastime, movie, music, dog’s name, cat’s name, invisible friend’s name, blah x3. Go out with him/her as a normal friend. Go watch a movie, have lunch, dinner, shopping. Do things you normally do when you’re in a relationship but in this case keep it at ‘the friend’ level. Und? During this time, you’ll get to know each other better. You’ll get to know about his/her favourite pastime and also the dog’s and cat’s name XD. During this time, the guy patut jaga the girl’s hati lah, if you know what I mean.

Do this for awhile, the longer the better. The guy should only make a move when he is truly sure that the girl already has feelings for him. What are you asking? I said the longer the better and you are scared that the guy or the girl would run away to another person? Haha, if such a thing happens then I can assure you that that person is not the one for you. If he/she runs away to someone else, this means that he/she doesn’t have the hots for you. Someone who really likes you will stay and wait =].

Months have passed; you two have become the best of friends, closer than ever. Finally, the guy breaks the questions and both of you end up together *aww*. Happy ending, right? Haha, maybe. It’s all up to you two now. XP

Agree with what I said here? Do you have your own opinion? Leave me comments. Anyways, check back soon for another update where I will blog about ‘the best feeling you’ll have during a relationship’ or more like ‘the best feeling you’ll have before you get into a relationship’. Haha! You didn’t get what I said? Then come back soon for the update.

Nowadays, my entries all emo geh. (o.0)


Lynnelle said...

I quite agree with what you wrote.

It's best to take things slowly and not rush into it. The longer friendship you have together, the more one will know whether he/she is the kind of person you would want to be with.

Youngsters nowadays tend to think that they've found true love when they get butterflies seeing someone they like etc.

I think that's more to infatuation rather than love, and usually it doesn't last long.

Well, all I can say is this :

True love waits.


belle said...

haha i agree with you
a guy is wooing me now
and i can tell he likes me alot
but i told him i wont get into a r.s with him juz cuz he likes me.. as there are so many things we don't know about each other. and in the process of his care and concern i've begin to like him as well.
but i told him i wont get into a r.s so fast becuz we have so many things we need to know and also even if we already start to love each other alot.. i told him that i would have to know him alot first and now, we just go out as friends.. like going to the shopping mall, eating together. and stuff like that. but we maintain a friends relationship.

i might just take up to 6 months to know him better and vice versa.. but i believe if he truely loves me he will wait hahas.. (:

i believe that knowing a person well shld be the first step.. and there are many people out there who goes.. í like u .. u like me and so lets stead.. and i strongly disagree with that!
haha (:

just my 2 cents worth :)

[~*Erlina~*] said...

What happened to you neh?
recently every post is about relationship thingy gea...
the ‘boy likes girl, girl likes boy’ rule is just for pupply love..
i can't deny that girls around my age still doing that...
but for me, i really need to know that person for quite a time 1st only decide whether to be or not to be..=)

Deric said...

100% agree
good article =)

JUN said...

dude...i dun quite agree...i took almost a year of efforts to understandin my ex partner n afta tat understandin v did get 2gether....but afta 3 years v did break up...n i realised now i would rather chose a rltp tat easy come n easy go...at least its juz play play n no serious luv involve....cos serious luv is wut hurt u most when u lost it

Mayyan said...

I guess the thing about relationship is you depend a lot on fate. Opposite attracts, heard of that? It's pretty rare but there're indeed people who jump into a relationship when they have the 'right feelings' about each other without knowing them much, yet it's working out. Because really, if you become too judgmental in a relationship e.g. knowing his/her attitudes; personalities etc before starting the relationship, in the end u might be dating her/his personality instead of her/him.

Nonetheless, it's always sweet to find a right person. :)

erictbk said...

Er, then it'd seem like putting the relationship under probation? and what's the diffrence between, say if the girl or the guy leaves the trial relationship & the real bf/gf breaking up? Hearts will still get broken right?
I think this idea best appllied to those who are considering getting engaged...marriage.....neway,just my thoughts...=)

nk said...

Hey yea i think that is a safer choice and a more mature way to deal with a relationship... and yes i agree ; ) even thought i did tell the guy i like i like him! lol..( he was the onli guy i told.) because he seemed interested but was still keeping his distance. we he told me that yea.. he wasnt in the right position to be in a relationship n like . he has nothing to offer at the moment..i guess he is interested but want to make sure about stuff n not rush. so yea. : ) thanks for sharing bout this.

Anonymous said...

i like this post..it's so true..but sumtimes we, as humans, just wished to be with that person as fast as possible..but yea..totally agree wit u.. should take time to noe each other 1st = )..nice blog... keep it up = D

Avier said...

People always rushed into r/s. But i personally feel that Sometimes they tried it because they feel that why not give it a try. maybe we might last.

I used to carry this mentality. But i sorted it out. Because Whenever u just try. U don't even know him well!
His habit? His likes and dislikes.

when quarrel arises. You cant solve it. So i agree we should really take things slow. NOt just rushed into it after a few weeks.BUT i do not agree that after u guys become best friend. Then u start the r/s. Because what if u guys broke up?
It's really sad to lose a best friend.

Because u guys are best friend. There is Some one who understands u, Know how to make u happy and many more. BUT because of the strain r/s u guys are no more friends. It is such a waste isn't it?

Again u may say they can still be friends. But i always believe once there is this strain in the r/s. u friendship wouldn't be like the past. It will NEVER get better.

Also. When u know some1 too well before starting a r/s then. THere is no element of surprise in it. your r/s will be like a smooth journey. NO bumps here and there. Then what's the use or r/s?
In a r/s there are many obstacles. For us to overcome. when we cant overcome it. we break up! and we say bye bye to our loved ones. BUT if we can over come it! our r/s had rise up to another level.
That's the best part of being in a r/s. BUT if u 2 were to be close friends. U already know all these. because u know each other so so well to avoid conflict. To do what pleases your other half. Then where is the element of surprises?

SO i think the best thing is, Get to know the person first. Understand what type of person he/she is. Just briefly understand there's no need to be friends, and know that person for half a year before starting a r/s. To me just try to understand what type of person he / she is. For like 2-4 mths. NOT just start chasing or accepting the person because of how he/she look. Or how much u want to be in a r/s. Because u will never get a lasting r/s.

Of course i am just sharing my view :) so no offense :)

Joanna Gough said...

Honestly that only happens in Malaysia.
Like in the states, you've got to like take the girl out for dates and dates which is like usually 3 months and all.... and even that they're not a boyfriend & girlfriend thing yet.

Here it's all taken for granted that if boy likes girl and girl likes boy, they're together.

Totally agree, you don't get into a relationship just cause you like the person :)

Anonymous said...

i totally totally agree with you. i believe in relationships that starts with friendship, and in fact like what you said, go out together as friends first to understand each other better. in that way, i think the foundation 4 d relationship is stronger than love at first sight.

yet, sadly, most guys do not think so. ive many guy friends whom do not tend to fall for their gal friends, and the like to date girls whom they call "fresh", as in, they just only got to know them. they tend to place physical attraction first, then only start to talk to the pretty gals with relationship in their minds. and then only will they bcome a couple. so i can conclude that most guys, mostly end up with a gal because of love at first sight.

for the majority of gals, however, is very diff because our mentality is diff from guys.

and so, i can sadly say that, guys dont usually tend to end up with a gal that way which u mentioned. unless, there are special guys out there who are different from the usual male species.

cheers. =)

mt said...

I agree with you that we should not jump into a relationship so soon. However, couples in relationships which are from friendships tend to lose those sparks fast, even in the beginning of the relationships.

For non-risk takers, it is better to be close friend with that special someone first before getting into a relationship~

Anyway, this is a good post.
Makes me think =D

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